3 Most Crucial Things in a Long-term Relationship

What is the most crucial thing in a long-term relationship? Maybe, love, trust, respect, communication, time, and forgiveness would always come to mind right away. Yes, these are all important for a healthy relationship, but what is the most crucial thing for a relationship to last? Well, I believe the most crucial thing in a long-term relationship includes:

Genuine Love & Commitment
Effective Communication
Forgiveness and the ability to repair completely

As a lawyer, I have a first-hand idea of how relationships, particularly marriages fail. Clients came to me seeking legal advice on what to do with their marriage, they shared intimate details about their relationships, from how it started and most importantly how it fell apart.

Being in a long-term relationship myself, I also know personally that a relationship is not a fairytale. We don’t just fall for the right person and live happily ever after. In reality, relationships always come with hard work and a lot of sacrifices from both partners.

I met Kyle when I was still in college. We studied college together, entered law school, and conquered the bar exam together. We had been in a long-term relationship for 12 years before we decided to tie the knot. It’s a long journey, full of ups and downs, but we have conquered it all. We have been married for 5 years now.

Can I say that we will be together forever? Of course NOT! Nothing is certain as nothing is permanent in this world and we both grow and change every day. But, what I’m sure about is that we managed to have a thriving relationship for 12 years. Reflecting on our 12 years together, along with the learnings I got from my client’s situation, I’m here to share with you the 3 most crucial things to have a thriving relationship that will last a decade, and hopefully a lifetime.

Genuine Love & Commitment

As expected love is certainly necessary for any relationship to thrive. However, love is a very abused term, and anyone without a clear understanding of what LOVE truly is uses it. Most of the time LOVE is mistaken for like, want, infatuation, lust, and even limerence. All these are fleeting and should be differentiated from what LOVE is.

Genuine love is far more than just a feeling, a romance, or a burning passion or desire towards another person. It encompasses emotional connection, trust and respect, acceptance as to who you both really are as a person, and commitment to each other and your relationship through the good times and most especially, through the bad times. It includes empathy and the willingness to make sacrifices for the benefit of the other person. After all, genuine love entails sacrifice.

You will know your love is genuine when despite all the trials, challenges, and shortcomings, you choose to love him/her even more. Genuine love is an everyday decision, a commitment that will stand the test of time.

Do you wanna know the secret to a long-lasting relationship? Yes, you need to choose each other every day. A decision to love even when it’s no longer convenient at the moment, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer – LOVE ENDURES.

But of course. It would never just be about enduring the bad times. It is also about enjoying the good times and celebrating love and happiness as well. All the shared moments full of love and happiness will enable you to deal with all the trials that life may bring in your relationship.

Hence, nurturing your love is a core foundation of any relationship, otherwise, what else is the point? Without love, your relationship would never feel and be how it should be. Hence, if you want a long-lasting relationship, it is just right to nurture and protect your love with each other. Love grows when we choose to nurture it every day.

Effective Communication

It is through effective communication that we understand each other.

Effective communication is one of the most crucial things in a long-term relationship. For a long-lasting relationship, each partner needs to be able to talk about his/her concerns and express feelings comfortably.

As I have said in my previous blog about 5 Common Mistakes in Balancing Relationships and Studies, when we communicate, it should not just be for the sake of voicing our concerns and expressing ourselves. Instead, we have to make our communication effective. It means being able to express our thoughts and feelings openly which are accepted and received by our partner correctly and understandably.

Effective communication means being able to empathize. Without empathy, we tend to invalidate each other’s feelings which may lead to miscommunication and misunderstanding and a lot of chaos afterwards.

Likewise, effective communication is also not just limited to verbal communication.

If you are in a relationship, you need to give due consideration to non-verbal communication as well. A hug, a smile, a cry, or even silence or non-communication is a form of communication. But then, we should not expect our partner to read our minds, we owe it to our partner to explain and communicate well. In this way, your connection would also grow stronger.

Genuine Forgiveness

Genuine forgiveness repairs your relationship after each conflict, disagreement, argument, and/or shortcoming.

Ever wonder why some couples fight endlessly over the smallest issue possible, yet, after fighting it’s like nothing happens. They are back to normal and both are as sweet as chocolate. On the other hand, there are instances where couples rarely fight, try to avoid conflicts as much as possible, and seem to be so stable but then to our surprise, they end their relationships after a couple of fights.

If there is one thing I’m sure of in a relationship, that is, no matter how much you love, respect, and trust each other, conflict is inevitable. It will happen. Remember, it’s not all the time that we will be in perfect harmony. We can even be conflicted in ourselves, how much more in the presence of two different individuals?

Hence, practicing genuine forgiveness is another crucial thing in a long-term relationship. What makes forgiveness genuine aside from its sincerity is the intentional decision to let go of any grudges and resentment. Furthermore, genuine forgiveness is not just limited to the offended partner alone but most importantly for the offending partner to be able to forgive himself/herself. It involves accepting the situation that they are in, acknowledging failure and mistakes, taking responsibility, and having the willingness to work through mistakes and shortcomings.

This is how genuine forgiveness plays a great role in any relationship to last. It is not about the number of fights you have or how you fight with each other. It’s on the ability to repair completely right after each fight. One should not keep score, and should not hold grudges nor harbor resentment. Otherwise, the inability to repair your relationship completely after each argument or conflict will cause damage to your relationship. If it continues, sooner or later it may come to a point wherein your relationship goes beyond repair anymore.

In practicing genuine forgiveness, you will be able to break a cycle in which so many failed relationships get stuck. We have to keep in mind that there is no such thing as perfect when it comes to relationships. Your partner is not perfect. Your relationship is not perfect, and you are not perfect. We all commit mistakes and we have our own flaws.

Therefore, we need to learn to forgive endlessly. For a relationship to withstand any storms that may come your way, you need to forgive each other consistently. But of course, I am not referring to situations that are uncompromisable – when they involve abuse, manipulation, and exploitation.

Conclusion

So, that’s it. What is the most crucial thing in a long-term relationship? Well, I believe the most crucial thing in a long-term relationship includes: