You have successfully shown your support to your partner through law school. Now, you may think you are prepared for another stress somehow. I’m sorry to sound harsh, but the truth is the bar exam will push him to a new level of stress and anxiety. So, how should you support your partner who is studying for the bar exam?
Hello friends, welcome!
Before we proceed, let me briefly introduce myself, I’m Rai from the blog Journey with Atty. I have been a lawyer for eight years now, married to Kyle, a lawyer too. He is my long-term boyfriend, (12 years to be exact ), and now my husband for about five years. Basically, I’m here to share how we successfully managed to study law, take the bar exam and pass our bar exam together, and ultimately thereafter, tie the knot with each other. We hope our story can encourage and inspire people in their journey to becoming a lawyer while at the same time growing and nurturing their love and relationships.
Now, if you are wondering and looking for some advice on how to support your partner as he studies for the bar exam, you are in the right place. Understandably, supporting your partner who is studying for the bar exam is a difficult but necessary role. Your words of encouragement, acts of care and concern, and unwavering empathy are priceless during this time.
So how do you support your partner who is preparing for the bar examination?
First, I would like to say that all the tips and advice that I mentioned in my previous blog about The best way to support your partner in law school are still very much applicable although in a level-up sense, with additional advice written here specific for the bar exam. Before that, allow me to have a short recap of my tips and advice on The best way to support your partner in law school. [Unless you want to read it again, which I advise you’ll do too.]
Giving him/her space for quality study time;
As I have said in my previous blog 4 Secrets to Balancing Relationships and Studying Law, law school would have put one’s nose on the books for almost all of the available time that he/she has. Imagine how would it be for the bar exam.
Helping with chores to free up his/her time;
It would be good to ask yourself, “What would I do to help my partner?”. You don’t need to do major chores. Simple things that might also be convenient for you will already be a great help for him/her. Small things such as bringing meals, making coffee, or doing errands.
Providing a listening ear without pressure and judgment;
From time to time, he/she will need someone who will listen to him/her talk about his/her stress. When this time comes, make sure that you are fully present and attentive to what he/she is saying. Show that you are listening carefully, and be nonjudgmental.
Cheering him/her on; and,
Compliments and encouragement are free, why deprive your partner when he deserves it, after all? Encourage your partner as often as possible, and in every chance you’ve got.
Staying healthy and busy to sustain a stable support system
Undoubtedly, to support your partner, it would be best to be in good and healthy condition too. I mean not just physically but emotionally and mentally.
Now, on top of all the preceding tips and advice, here are my additional tips specific to how you can support your partner who is studying for the bar exam.
Ask how he/she wants to be supported.
Every person is different, we have our own style of dealing with stress and anxiety. We have our own approach to studying for the bar exam. While others would want to be alone and prefer to study on their own, others might want to have the company of his or her loved ones instead.
In our case with Kyle, I prefer to study in the library, or in places where I can see a lot of people studying. It inspires me to study too. I study during the daytime and sleep as early as around 9:00 in the evening because I am so concerned about my health during those days. I strive to have at least 8 hours of sleep every night.
On the contrary, Kyle is the type who is “allergic to people” during his bar exam review day, and who does not want to be disturbed. He wanted to be alone and preferred to study overnight in his room. He was asleep during the daytime, he slept a few moments right after breakfast.
Now, chances are, your partner also has his/her preferred way of studying and handling stress. You might as well ask him what he/she prefers and what is a “No-no” to him/her. Ask him/her HOW HE/SHE WANTS TO BE SUPPORTED and respect it.
Ask and understand his/her study schedule
To best support him/her, you will need to understand his/her schedule. During his/her study time, allow him/her time and space and help avoid distractions. On the other hand, when it is his/her break time, do the opposite: encourage him/her to unwind and think about other things. Offer him/her some positive distraction that can also indirectly support his/her preparations for the bar exam. Remember, to conquer the bar exam, the bar examinee needs to prepare holistic way. Thus, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and even spiritually.
Be sensitive and extra careful with your words
Don’t try to reassure him/her they’ll pass, and don’t go the other way and say he/she can take it again if he/she doesn’t pass.
Yes, refrain from words like these:
- “Don’t worry I’m sure you’ll pass” or
- “Don’t worry, you can always retake the bar exam if you don’t pass”.
In the same way, never compare him/her to someone you know who failed or succeeded saying:
- “Don’t worry, even John Doe didn’t pass the first time”, or
- “Look at John Doe, he never studied that much but he still passed the bar exam”.
Honestly, although we know that such remarks were uttered with good intentions, but for someone who is taking the bar exam, it might just add another pressure or might just trigger a more negative emotional response. It would be best to refrain from such a topic, as much as possible. Instead, let him/her feel through your actions your support. Let him/her know that you will always be there for him/her no matter what happens.
Be patient and more considerate
During my law school days, one of our professors told us, “Those who are studying for the bar exam have a right to be stressed”. I didn’t understand such a statement that much until such time when I was in the situation already.
I just then found out how stressful it was, to the point where a single interruption as a loud voice, or the sound of an object dropping on the floor, irritates me so easily. On top of that, I became a person who got easily offended by jokes and teasing. Those are just a few of the simple things that irritate and annoy me, which in fact won’t bother me under normal circumstances. Hence, it would be a great help if you would be more patient and considerate to your partner. Always keep in mind that his/her head is not in the right place at the moment.
Understandably, your partner who is preparing for the bar exam would level up his/her effort considering that he/she is already on the final challenge of becoming a lawyer. The moment that he/she has been preparing for, ever since they entered law school. Hence, level up your understanding too. Give him/her more space and time to study and prepare for the bar exam. Help with chores to free up his/her time; Provide a listening ear without pressure and judgment; Cheer him/her on; and, Stay healthy and busy to sustain a stable support system.
On top of that, please bear in mind:
- You might as well ask him/her how he/she wants to be supported, and respect it.
- Understand his/her schedule and help him follow it.
- Be sensitive and extra-careful with your words. Don’t try to reassure them they’ll pass, and don’t go the other way and say they can take it again if they don’t pass. Instead, let him/her feel through your actions your support.
- Be more patient and considerate.
Now, I hope and pray that your partner will make it. Good luck with being a supportive and considerate lover. The good news is, it won’t take so much time anymore. Soon, it will be over, and you can then demand his undivided time and attention.
Is there something that you want to talk about? Would you like to share one of your tips and advice with me? Or perhaps, would like to share your experience with me too?
I’d be glad to learn them.🙂
Leave a comment below.👇
