Reading relationship books saves me from a lot of headaches and heartaches. When my marriage hits a rough patch – I find myself reading relationship books, not to manipulate nor control my partner but to better UNDERSTAND and come up with a more mature decision.
I’ve been a bookworm since my childhood days. I started reading fun and simple novels until such time that I got tired of the fantasy and the too-good-to-be-true stories I then shift to reading books discussing real-life scenarios. Relationship and financial books have become my go-to obsession. I love talking about love and relationships, and about what I’ve read and learned in these books to my friends. If I can sprinkle a little inspiration on someone, even better!
I’ve devoured my fair share of relationship reads, but among all the books I’ve read, these books stand out for me.
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The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman
I read this book when I was already married. It was during such a time when my husband and I were fighting – and honestly, I really thought at that time that our marriage was about to end. Well, since reading is my hobby, my escape when life throws its curveballs. So, naturally, I turned to my Kindle, seeking refuge in the world of books. I devoured pages upon pages, hoping to find some semblance of peace amidst the chaos.
And then, like a beacon of hope in the midst of the storm, I stumbled upon The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman.
Reading the title alone got me curious and wondering, “Is my marriage aligned with these 7 principles?”. What are the principles that make marriage work?”. Thereafter, I find myself reading the book wholeheartedly.
As I have said, it was like a beacon of hope in my darkest hour. It was such a perfect time because this book discusses how fighting is natural in a relationship. The book discussed the author’s studies about conflict in relationships and finally developed a system where, just by observing how couples fight, he could predict whether a couple would stay happily together or get a divorce soon with about 91% accuracy. [I can’t help myself but assess my marriage gauging if we would last or not.]
Through this book, I saw my own marriage with newfound clarity. I discovered the destructive patterns we’d fallen into. I learned the 4 horsemen in conflict discussion: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling in a relationship should be eliminated. Instead, all these 4 horsemen should be replaced with healthy, productive communication patterns. I realized that the silent treatment is often as worse than voicing my concern. Finally, It’s not just about the fights but most importantly the success or failure of the couple’s REPAIR ATTEMPT that is the primary factor in whether their marriage will flourish or flounder.
Along the way, the author uncovered all the key ingredients for long-term relationship success. This book is really worth reading, and I feel so blessed to have come across this book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman at precisely the moment I needed it most.
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman
Who does not know about the 5 different love languages?
It is through this book that I learned that NOT everyone expresses or receives love in the same ways. Accordingly, people express and receive love in different “love languages.” Either through physical touch, verbal affirmation, gift-giving, acts of service, and/or quality time.
Ever since I came across this book, it has been a guide for me to make sure that I have express my love to my husband consistent with how he most likely receives love giving due consideration to his love language. Through my observation, my husband expresses love through acts of service and gift-giving. On the other hand, my love language is quality time.
What does it mean? While I appreciate how my husband expresses his love for me through acts of service – I woke up with breakfast ready and before I knew it, he had already washed my workout outfit and cleaned my car. He does it in his free time, when in fact he is a busy person being a lawyer too.
While I honestly appreciate and respect all these acts of service for me, it is never the same when we spends quality time. I value most all the dedicated time just to sit and relax together at the end of the day. My love tank is full when we travel together and share new experiences. I look forward to a date with him where we can spend quality time alone, and so on. It’s how I realize that my love language is quality time. As I ponder and reflect about it, I came to the conclusion that I should be able to express my love through his love language to fill up his love tank too.
It is definitely a book that I would recommend to someone searching for a better way to express love and improve their relationship. This book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts helped me express my love not just in my own way, but most importantly in a way that would fill up my husband’s love tank most.
Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
For couples grounded in faith – [God-fearing couples], this book offers valuable insights. It delves into the deeper, spiritual aspects of relationships, drawing from biblical principles. This is a marriage guide book that discussed the primary emotional needs of men and women in a relationship.
The book emphasizes a fundamental truth: love is the primary need for the wife, while respect is essential for the husband. Don’t get me wrong, the author does not say that men do not need love and women do not need respect. Men need love too, but his primary need is respect. The best way to love your husband is through showing him unconditional respect. Women need respect among others, but her primary need is love.
The author highlights a connection between love and respect. Without love, the wife may react without respect, and without respect, the husband may react without love. This cycle, termed the “crazy cycle,” needs to be broken for couples to enter an energizing cycle in their marriage. In the energizing cycle, the husband’s love motivates the wife’s respect, and the wife’s respect motivates the husband’s love.
The book Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs has also helped me in my marriage. It has changed my perspective totally about marriage, shifted my outlook and encouraged me to reflect inwardly during challenging times in my relationship.
CONCLUSION:
Relationship challenges are universal; they’re something many of us can relate to. These three remarkable relationship books have been absolute game-changers in my marriage. The wisdom within them didn’t just impact me – it challenged, inspired, and fundamentally changed me for the better, both as a spouse and as an individual. I find myself returning to these books time and again, because human as we are, even the best of us can sometimes forget the lessons we’ve learned. We all need reminders to stay on track.
How about you? what relationship book do you find most helpful? Feel free to let me know, i would really love to read and learn from it more.
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